Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
