OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
