There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
