Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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