i love accidental penises.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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