My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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