im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am spending my child support on dildos
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
