I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
