You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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