so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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