I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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