I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
