Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's always time for handjobs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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