This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
