dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
