Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
