I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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