Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
