True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
