i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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