Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
