Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
