I can feel you judging me through the phone.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
