Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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