My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
