my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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