I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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