I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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