forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
