i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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