I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
