I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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