you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
