babies were throwing up all over the place
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I queefed so loud it echoed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
