I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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