I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
