she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We smell like vodka and hangover
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