Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
