I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
