I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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