Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
