the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
