The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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