Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
