insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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