Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
