Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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