Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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