three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
