i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he thought i was a dude.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
