i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
