I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
