it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
